It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
