I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize