Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You took a bar mat shot.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
