He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
