I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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