its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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