Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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