I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
