Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
