We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
