Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
