ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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