wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
