Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
