How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
