grandma shit on top of the toilet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
