I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I looked at my own cervix.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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