just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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