I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
