i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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