Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
