Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
