omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
