I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
