And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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