just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
