:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We are two peas in an std pod
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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