She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
