dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
