i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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