turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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