i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
