Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
