I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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