The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
