I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
