Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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