I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
