I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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