Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
