Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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