The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
