11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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