I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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