Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
