we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
