Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
