we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
