Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
