I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
