I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
