no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize