we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
