Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
