come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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