i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
