Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize