Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i don't like sucking hair
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
