remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
