I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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