Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
