she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize