can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
