I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
