I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
