I think I won the penis lottery.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
