Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
