Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
