Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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