i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
