Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
