yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
