She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
