why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
