i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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