oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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